Don't Hassel the Hoff

Check out these hilarious pictures I came across today of everyone's favorite "Knight Rider". I was laughing my ass off!



The whole moon-turning-to-blood should have been a sign this was a fashion offense of biblical proportions. BTW, the love shrub is in need of a MAJOR pruning, David.


"I enjoy doing naked crunches with my pets."


Intergalactic Cameltoe!


K.I.T.T. is just D.Y.I.N.G. to run them both over, but even when the cameras weren't rolling, that lone extra in the back remained dedicated to his part as "Shifty Mexican in Southwestern Poncho #4."


What would YOU wear to a baseball-themed biker rodeo after a mountain lion ate YOUR sleeves?!


If the words "David Hasselhoff" weren't etched on the top, I'd swear this was a picture of Patrick Swayze. Nobody puts The Hoff in a corner!

"Ah, that's better"

So today Emma decided that she wanted to try a "Certs" mint. She put it in her mouth, sucked on it for a few seconds, then bit into it. She made a nasty face and said "I can't like it in my mouf", then spit it out in her hand. She threw it in the trash and said "ah, that's better".
On the same line.....the other day, I was eating a salad at a restuarant. They served it with onion slices, which I don't like. I took them off and put them on the side of my plate. After Emma was done with her meal, she asked if she could have one of the onion pieces. I said "if you really want to". She ate one, then got about halfway through the second when she put her hands over her mouth and said "owwwwwwwww". What a dork. ;)

Owie Emma

The other day Emma and I were at the Johnston library. She was playing in the kid area and I was reading a magazine. She was spinning around and singing. All of a sudden I heard a thud and saw her laying in front of the window. I picked her up, and hugged her while she cried. I assumed that she'd hit her head on the window because she was dizzy from spinning. She stopped crying and I went to stand her up when I noticed the blood on my hand....then on my shirt...then on Emma's shirt, head, hands, and the library carpet. Holy shit! There was blood all over her hair, dripping. I picked her up and ran to the bathroom. I noticed the librarian and yelled "can you help me?!". So Emma and I sat in the bathroom trying to get the bleeding to stop, while the librarian got other librarians and the first aid kit. It was a mess. Emma has a high pain tolerance so after the initial 30 seconds of crying, she just sat there and let us freak. She must have cut herself on the ledge of the window and not the window itself. It turned out to only be a small cut, but those head wounds bleed forever. I was kind of scared to look. "If I see skull, I'm going to shit"....I said to the librarian. ;) Emma is fine now, and didn't need stitches or anything. I wonder how she'll react the next time we go to the library?
Here is a pic of her poor little blood stained shirt. It's not too bad, but getting the stains out was tricky.

The "talk"

Last night Rob and I had the "sex talk" with Kyle. It was hilarious. It pretty much started with him telling us what he knew about how babies are made. Which was nothing, except that they "grow from food". I've never been one to sugar coat, or make up crap to spare him from reality, so the whole explanation of things took about a minute and a half. The look of disgust and "why would anyone ever want to do that" on his face was priceless. The conversation ended like this:
"So when I grow up I'm going to do that?"
"Honey, everyone does that"
"Why?"
"Because it's kinda fun, and it is what you've got to do if you want to have a baby"
"I don't HAVE to have children"
"No, you don't have to.....but I'd kind of like you to"
"So you can have grandchildren?"
"Yeah"
"Well, when I grow up I probably won't remember that we even talked about this"
"Yeah, maybe not.......or you may need therapy as a result of it".


Parenting.....good stuff. ;)

12 pages

My friend Jodi came over yesterday and we scrapbooked all morning. It was nice to have someone come over and just sit in my own house, where all my stuff is, and get some pages done. She left after lunch, but I kept on going. I got some old, snow pages from last winter done, plus some Reiman Gardens, and 4th of July. It was a pretty productive day. I started to do some Sesame Street Live and realized that I have no Elmo stuff. Got to have Elmo for SSL! I took some pictures of the pages, but those never turn out very well, what with the lighting and flash and such. Here are some of the cuter ones:

7 inches!

Get your minds out of the gutter, you nasty pervs, I was talking about the amount of hair that Emma got cut off yesterday. ;) She looks so cute with a little bob. And it only took me about a minute this morning to brush it out. So worth it! She was really good through the whole thing. Just kind of sat there and watched. She likes it too because she keeps walking around saying "I've got short hair". Here is a before:

And a couple afters:

Big day for Kyle

He started 3rd grade today! He did really well at his new school and said that he made some friends. It was a little chaotic dropping off this morning with all the parents walking their kids in the building, but we managed without being tardy. ;)

Kid-less accomplishments

It's amazing what a person can accomplish while being alone. Last night my inlaws took the kids overnight, for one last sleepover before school starts tomorrow. So Rob and I went out to dinner and to a movie. We saw Talladega Nights and as expected, laughed our asses off. Here is my favorite line from the movie:

Cal Naughton Jr.: "I did a spread. And when I say spread, I mean I spread my buttcheeks for Playgirl. And I did it under the name Mike Honcho."

Then this morning I slept in. It was awesome. I made 6 dozen cookies, did 2 loads of laundry, got my hair cut, went to Target and mowed the lawn.....all before 4:00. Damn, I'm good. ;)

Last day at the pool

Kyle starts school this Thursday, so today is his last day for the swimming pool. Awwwww, kind of sad. Tonight my inlaws are taking the kids overnight, so Rob and I are going to a movie. Then tomorrow, I'll be all alone. Hmmmm, I wonder what I can accomplish with an entire day to myself? I've actually got to make a ton of cookies for our breast cancer fund raiser that is coming up in Sept., so I'm sure that will be part of it. Tonight we've got Kyle's "meet the teacher" night at his new school. He doesn't seem nervous at all, but I am. We'll bring his school supplies and go through a tour, stuff like that. I'll have to familiarize myself with the drop off/pick up routine as to not get lynch mobbed on the first day of school. Moms can be so vicious. ;)
Here are a couple pictures of the kids over the weekend. They were roasting marshmallows and making s'mores:

Iowa State Fair

Yesterday we went to the fair. We usually do go every year, but yesterday was so nice......cooler temps and sunny skies, that we stayed longer than we normally would. My feet were killing me by the end of the day. The kids had a great time. They had foot long corn dogs, rode on rides in the midway, saw the animals, got to meet Clifford the big red dog, you name it. Emma was not happy with being in a stroller for a lot of the time, though. She is just too young and unpredictable to not bring one for her. Here are some highlight photos:

I can't believe I forgot!

I hate my old brain these days! So....back in the Quad cities last weekend I ran into my old chorus teacher from high school. Her name is Ms. Eggelston, which I always thought was appropriate because she reminded me of a chicken. If you need a visual, she makes me think of Ms. Fowl from Jimmy Neutron :


Anyhoo, so she always has this round bump on her foot and back in the day she would always wear old lady sandals with this gnarly toe knob poking out from inbetween the straps. I was hypnotized, infatuated, spellbound by this thing and I would always stare at it. So when I saw her I was like "I've got to check and see if the toe tumor is still there", and sure enough it was. Plain as day....taunting me. ;)

Football

Sometime ago Kyle announced that he wanted to play football. In Ames they started football in 3rd grade, so we'd told him all along that he's have to wait until then. When we moved I did what I thought was adequate and continually checked the Ankeny and Urbandale park and rec websites for fall football information. Well yesterday I found out that neither one have football as part of the park and rec. Instead Ankeny has a junior football league. How someone new to town is supposed to know this is beyond me. So anyway, I checked out the registration info and found out it was last month. Arg! So I called and convinced the wife of the head coach that I needed to register Kyle....and my powers of persuasion are mighty because I'm dropping off a check to her today. Kyle is going to be soooooo excited.

Ahhh, coffee

Today is such a good day for coffee. After days of heat, it's nice to have a cool day, even if it is rainy, just sit and warm up with some caramel truffle.
MmmmmMmmmm.

Poop

While here at my mom's house, we had an issue with the toilet. Kyle took a dump and plugged it up....no problem, it happens to the best of us, right? So my mom got out the plunger and went to work. No luck. Then she got out the other plunger. Still no luck. After she and I plunged for about an hour....in a very stinky bathroom, with poopy water splattering all over.....we gave up. I called my husband....you know, the plumber, that would have probably had it unclogged in a minute or two, and asked what else we could do. He said that the only thing we could do it go to Home Depot and get a toilet auger...unless we wanted to call a plumber on a Saturday night. So there I went, to Home Depot at 8:30. I found what I wanted and carried my lonely purchase to the cashier. She rang it up and said "have a good night". To which I replied "yeah, I'm going to have a great time with what I get to go home and do with a toilet auger". So then she says "well, it's not as bad as what some people would do with one of those". Ummmmmmmmm.....what?! This is not the conversational path I was wanting to take with the Home Depot cashier. So I said "yeah I'm really just going to use it on the toilet".
Holy shit....literally.

Back ass Iowa

Wednesday the kids and I headed over to see my dad where he was staying in Guttenberg Iowa. It's a little hole in the wall town right along the Mississippi River. I took some wacky back roads to get there and it's been quite a long time since I've travelled through rinky dink little towns like that. There was one called New Vienna that had a beautiful old Catholic church. It was massive and hard to believe that a town of a few hundred people could keep a church that big in business. Not to mention that there couldn't have been that many young boys in town to be altar boys.....so you'd think that right there would be enough to close down a Catholic church. ;)
So we only stayed one night in Guttenberg as there isn't that much to do and my dad was staying in a camper, so not very much room either. We did take the kids on the ferry across the river, though. Emma slept through it, but Kyle thought it was fun.
Yesterday we drove more back roads to my mom's house. Clinton may not be great but at least I feel like we're in civilization.

Strangers with Candy

My brother and I went to see it last Friday at the Fluer Cinema. It was an unexpectedly nice theatre. Anyway, the movie was funny, but not as funny as the tv show. Still worth my $7, though. I loved that show and have all of them on DVD. It's a good show to just sit and watch when you feel shitty and want to laugh. Here is a funny quote from the movie:

Jerri Blank: It's like the time you set that boat on fire and watched those Haitians panic. Oh wait, that was me... The point is, you're a racist.

Good times......