Tricks or Treats

Last night was Beggar's night here in Ankeny. Which I still think is stupid....that we can't call it trick or treating and have in on Halloween. Ugh. Anyhoo.....so it was windy as hell and me, Kyle and Emma were out for about 45 minutes before calling it a night. They scored lots of good loot, but Emma was bitching the whole time about her hat blowing off. Rob took Kyle out again a little later by themselves, but they still were only out for about 30 minutes. It was 55 degrees, but the wind was 30 mph, so it felt a lot colder. I bought a ton of candy because our neighborhood has millions of kids and I didn't want to run out, but because of the weather we only had kids for about the first hour and then it dwindled off. So now we are stuck with 2 huge bags of red licorice. I'm sure Rob will take care of that, but I can't stand the stuff. Here are some photos:

Race for the Cure and Living History Farms

Yesterday was a busy day and I woke up with a runny nose, cough, sore throat and thoughout the course of the day, got a headache. Yippee! I still went through the motions and even got to take a nap yesterday afternoon. The race was good, but chilly and overcast. Luckily by evening it was warm enough that the kids could trick or treat at Living History Farms without wearing their coats the whole time. They had fun roasting marshmallows and riding on the horse drawn cart.....but the storyteller was lame. We sat in the tent listening to this guy with a microphone that you could still barely hear and the story wasn't scary in the slightest. Needless to say, we'll be skipping that part next time. Oh and since when did they have microphones in the 19th century? ;)

The finger

For some reason whenever someone wants to take a picture of me, my first reaction is to give them the finger. Not sure why that's my first reaction.....but it always is. So quite a few people have pictures of me giving the finger. As a matter of fact, here are a few of me in my costume at the Halloween party and one has my favorite pose. ;)

Post Halloween Party

It was a really good time. I dressed up and got to scare some of the kids as they were coming in the house. ;) My kids had a great time. It was kind of a chore cleaning it all up the next day, though. Old stale popcorn all over the floor, decorations that were halfway ripped down, kool aid spills, etc. It was worth all the trouble as look at how happy these kids are:

Getting ready for Halloween

Tomorrow we are having our mom's group Halloween party here. I've cleaned out the garage and set up a haunted house of sorts. Nothing too scary as there will be little kids Emma's age here, but black lights, a fog machine and some scary music ought to do the trick. Today I made caramel apples, which I've never done before. What a mess! I had visions of using a double boiler and somehow they'd come out picture perfect. Whatever. I wound up just melting the caramel in a glass measuring cup in the microwave and dunking each apple individually. They aren't pretty, but I'm sure they'll taste good. I also planned on having the kids bob for apples. A friend suggessted that instead of using water, that I use popcorn so it woud easier and less wet for the little kids. So today I popped, and I popped and I popped popcorn....like a 64 oz bag of kernels. The house completely smells like caramel and popcorn. Not a bad combo. :)
Kyle is going to be a vampire, so today Emma and I headed over to the theatrical shop in Valley Junction to get some vampire teeth. I had thought that maybe Emma might be scared in there as there are monsters and all kinds of scary props/costumes. So we get there and start looking around. She is completely unaffected by the giant skeletons, severed heads, aliens, coffins, ect. There was even one of the employees dressed up like the devil and she didn't even flinch. Then another employee dressed as a Wizard walks by and she freaks. A fucking wizard! Just a damn robe and pointy hat and she was crawling up my leg, yelling "NO!". That child is nuts.

Gentlemen prefer skeletons

Check out these hilarious pictures of photo-shopped celebs. I guess that anorexic look is still in, huh? ;)

Smokey Robinson and Clay Aiken

What could these two possibly have in common besides music, you may ask? They are both going to be on Days of Our Lives in the near future. That's right, just when you think it can't go any further south.......Clay and Smokey show up. Ugh, why do I torture myself with this shit?!!!!

Insolence!

Check out what my family did to me today.......

I made a chicken and sweet potato dish for dinner tonight. I put it in the oven and then went on my merry way of doing the dishes, laundry, etc. When it was done, I took it out and set it on the counter to cool. Then I came down to the office to make a couple of phone calls and mess around on the computer for awhile. About a half hour later I hear the clanking of silverware on dishes. I listen for a few minutes thinking that maybe someone is setting the table. I wait a couple more minutes and then go upstairs. There they were.....all 3 of them, sitting at the table having dinner as if there were an invisible woman who cooks their food, but never dines with them. I say "what the hell is this?!". They all turn to look at me with "what's the problem?" facial expressions. "So I'm good enough to make your food, but I'm not good enough to eat it?", I say. Then comes the ramblings of...we thought you were busy, we thought you were on the phone, we didn't know you were hungry...blah blah blah. The worst part is that I kind of expect that stuff from Rob as he only had 2 organs that he thinks with...one of which is his stomach.....but the kids?! That neither one of them said "where's Mommy?". Oh the disrespect!!!! ;)

Music

Let me start by saying that my musical taste is all over the place. So today while driving Kyle to school we were listening to Pantera. Emma was outraged and demanded that we listen to "girl music". I think she had gotten a little too used to the Enya I had been playing yesterday. ;)

Apple Orchard

We took both the kids to the apple orchard/pumpkin patch yesterday. It was a little too hot for it to really feel like fall, but the kids had a great time. They got to pick apples.....the little Jonathan, tart, crisp ones...mmmmmm. We also went through the big corn maze, rode on the hay rack ride and picked some gourds from the gourd garden. Here are some highlight photos:

Yoga and the patch

Lately I've been doing yoga in an attempt to help my old, arthritic joints. Today I did it while still in my pajamas. After having two children, doing "downward facing dog" without a bra is the scariest fucking thing I've ever witnessed.

Now onto something more pleasant....yesterday Emma and I...plus a bunch of friends went to the pumpkin patch. It was windy and cold, but still was fun. Here are some cute pictures of Emma:

Suicidal Thoughts

Yesterday I bought some underwear. I took them out of the package, held them up and thought "God damn, these things are massive". Then I put on a pair.
Apparently, I'm massive.

School pic, movie review, and church talk

Kyle got his school picture back on Friday and I have to say, it's pretty damn good. I am always prepared for some crazy, buck toothed smile and squinty eyes....just so I'm not disappointed. So this one was a nice surprise:



Last night Rob and I went to see the movie "School for Scoundrels". It was funny, and worth the $7. I still can't imagine.....no matter how many movies he may do....anyone kissing or finding Napoleon Dynamite attractive. The wierdest thing was that right before the movie they showed a preview of another Billy Bob Thorton movie called Mr. Woodcock....that also looked humorous, and I swear he looked about 30 pounds heavier in that one.
Also, this morning we went to church and believe it or not, the pastor's sermon was based on the movie "The Lion King". He talked for about 15 minutes about the damn thing! I'm logging that away with all the other "things I never thought I'd hear".

Harry Potter

Is it wrong that I think Harry Potter is getting kind of hot?


It is isn't it.


Damn.

Nip/Tuck n' stuff

Last nights episode of Nip/Tuck was so fucked up and crazy, I was loving it. It is normally whack-ass so you'd think it would be getting old, but apparently I still love it. So Melissa Gilbert...aka Laura Ingalls was on as this woman who had her nipple bitten off by her dog while trying to break up a fight between her dog and some other dog. At least that is what she told the docs. In reality, when her husband showed up carrying a duffel bag with the dead dog in it, we find out that she had been luring the dog to fuck her with peanut butter that she kept by the bed. So her husband comes home, sees the peanut butter, call's the woman's sister to find out where she is, kills the dog (as he referred to as her "lover") and then shows up at the doctor's office and dumps the dead dog on a bed. EWWWWWWW!!!! So nasty, I can't wait for next week's episode. ;)
On a lighter note, look how pretty our new little tree looks with it's fall colors:

Blockbuster

We went to Blockbuster today to rent some movies and while perusing the new releases, I came upon a movie cover that had me laughing my ass off. It was called "The Gingerdead Man" starring none other than Gary Busey. I, of course, will never watch this movie, but the picture on the cover was priceless:

Random thoughts

I read on a friend's blog that John Stamos was joining the cast of ER. Thank God I stopped watching that show a couple of years back because I don't think my stomach could stand the Stamos-ing of ER. Next thing you know they'll be bringing in Horshack for some meaty, dramatic role. "Oooo, Oooo, Oooo, we've got a trauma in curtain one!" Ugh.
Speaking of ugh.....today Kyle had a football game. They play at an athletic complex with football fields, soccer fields, and baseball diamonds, so it's a pretty large space. The only restrooms are port-a-potties...here's where the ugh comes in...so Emma announces that she has to go. I take her to the closest one and when we get into this nasty thing, I remember that she's wearing bib overalls. So I have to take her jacket off, to get the bibs off, so she can go. Plus it's just disgusting in there so I'm constantly telling her not to touch anything and to watch out, ect. I realize that they don't have any toilet paper, but luckily I had some Kleenex in my pocket for her to wipe with. I get her all undone and hold her over the pot. It's the longest piss she's ever had and I'm holding her about 2 inches off the seat, so my arms are shaking. Then she notices a nasty corn filled turd in the toilet and has to continually turn her head to look at it. And talk about it to no end. "will you just forget about the poop and hurry up?!" I say to her several times, with my arms shaking. Needless to say, a simple bathroom break turned into a bacteria filled fiasco.
I've been realizing more and more lately that getting old sucks ass. Not a really profound observation as everyone knows that, but still, I didn't think I'd be this rickety at 34. I have arthritis in my back and as the years go by it gets worse. So every morning I wake up and rise out of bed like Frankenstein because I can't bend my back until I get limbered up. Fire bad! Anyway, a couple of months back I noticed at kind of an inopportune moment....whilst fucking....that my hip was really out of whack. Like really painful, couldn't move it the way I normally do, kind of stuff. I've always been very flexible and took it for granted. So now my one leg/hip is totally stiff all the time and the other is normal. I can only sit half Indian-style and it looks weird. Excuse me...that's not politically correct anymore, I can only sit half cross-legged. ;)

It'a all about the Hamiltons, baby!

I just heard that one of my favorite SNL cast members, Chris Parnell has been dropped from SNL. I love him and think he is funny as shit, so that makes me kinda sad. I did hear that he is going to be on some sitcom that is starting this fall, so at least he isn't just out of work......but I'm sure his show won't last, as they never do. Here is the link to one of my favorite Parnell sketches:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stBcMHcdKxc

Emma's first day of preschool

So this was the day that Emma has been looking forward to since Kyle started school. It went well for her. Not so much for me. Not like I was weepy or some shit, but that I had to clean a house before I took her, plus had other errands to do and the class was only an hour long for orientation so I had to stay for the entire time. It was way more formal that I was expecting. Last years preschool was like daycare....you drop them off, say hi and bye, and then you're done. But here there is a drop off/pick up routine, nametags, background checks, ect. All of which I'm cool with, just wasn't expecting it. Plus this preschool is part of a church and the building was like a compound. Hallways here, there and everywhere. At one point we were led up one staircase and down another. I had no idea where I was. Plus I am so used to old-timey Catholic churches with just a basement and some crappy house next door for the nuns to live in. This place had offices, sitting rooms, classrooms, and even a gymnasium. Apparently the collection plate is full every Sunday. They did discuss some of the bible based teaching they were going to do with the kids, which was nice, because Emma is going to need all the God she can get. ;) She had a blast and is going to love it. Here are a couple of pics:



My favorite part of these pictures is her bag. They gave them each a bag to decorate however they liked. Emma wanted red paint and insisted that everything she painted be red. So the bag looks like the Meredith Drive preschool bloodbath.

Football Sunday

Sunday was Kyle's first football game. I hadn't realized that they were supposed to wear white football pants, so he played in some black warm up pants. I was embarrassed for him being one of the only ones without, but he couldn't have cared less. They also got their team photo taken and all the kids with the white pants were up front....as if the shameful non-white pant kids were too big of an embarrassment to be in the front. ;) I did buy a pair of used ones off eBay today for $3, so hopefully they'll arrive before next Sunday's game. Here are some of the highlight photos: