I hit your bullseye every night

This song always makes me think of Jenny Landau singing the a capella version in front of Mr. Dean at play practice in high school. It also makes me think of my dad coming home from work and telling my sister and I that we couldn't have this album because some bible thumping, Jesus lover that he worked with told him it was Satan's music. Of course, that made us go right out and buy it. Ahhhh, memories. ;)

Tea party

Emma was invited to a tea party and Rob took some photos of us before we left:

Music concert

Here is a cute youtube video of Kyle singing America the Beautiful at his school music program. He's the one on the end in the navy blue shirt.

Book Review

I read the cheesiest, crapfest of a book this weekend. Let me start by saying that I've only recently started reading things other than my typical fantasy/knights/wizards stuff, so I couldn't just jump straight into Harlequin romance. Instead, I've been reading some horny vampire stories. They've been fun and entertaining for the most part without a lot of emotional involvement. I saw the cover of this next book called "Dark Lover" and thought.....okay, I'll give it a try.

Holy hell. It was laughable and at some points I even found myself being embarrassed for the author. I don't know why I suffered though it, but I guess I'm just into self torture. I found myself cringing at the dialog between the supposed tough guys. No straight guy in the history of the planet has ever uttered the cheesetastic lines these guys did. Like telling each other they "look fabulous" and knowing one another for a matter of hours and already calling each other by nicknames. I had no idea that vampires were so friendly. ;)
One of the worst lines has got to be: "He looked like he was smuggling paint rollers under his skin." WTF?!!!! That is the nastiest simile I've ever heard to describe 6 pack abs. Talk about not hot.
Oh, and I can't forget to mention the names.....get this.....Zsadist, Rhage, Phury, Tohrment. Can anyone say Rhetarded?

Various Stories

Just some random things going on in my head lately......

Kyle got his scores back from taking the Iowa Basic skills tests (standardized achievement tests....I assume every state has these) in Feb. Last year was the first year that he took them and did pretty well. I don't remember his composite score, but the test placed him as on the level of a typical fourth grade student, when he was in the third grade. So this year being a fourth grader, I figured he would do well, but was quite surprised at how well. His composite score was 94, meaning that only 6% of students his age, nationwide, scored higher. Then it said that his score put him on the level of a typical seventh grader. So now Kyle thinks he is as smart as a seventh grader. ;) I was like.....yeah, well then there is no reason you should bring home fourth grade papers with anything less than an A, right?
That kind of took the wind out of his sails. ;)
Speaking of Kyle, a lot of the reason that he is not a straight A student is that he is lacking in the responsibility category. So he looses assignments, turns in half assed work, or forgets things. Yesterday was a "forget". He had an assignment that was due today that he needed a certain form to fill out. I reminded him on Monday to bring it home, but he forgot. Yesterday morning I reminded him again. Yesterday afternoon he gets in the car and here is the conversation from that point:

Me: Did you remember to get that paper that you needed?
Him: No, I forgot it.
(A long pause, as I stare at him)
Me: Well, don't you need it?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Then go get it.
Him: I can't. (getting visibly upset)
Me: Why not? (also getting visibly upset)
Him: Because school is over.
Me: Yeah, by like 5 minutes. Your teacher is still in there. You can go get it.
Him: (tearing up) But, my friends will see me going back in.
Me: So?!
Him: So, they never have to back in.
Me: I'm sure people have to go back in on occasion. Now, get out of the car and go get your paper.
Him: NO!!!! (crying and red faced )
Me: You are the one that kept forgetting it, so you are the one that needs to go get it.
Him: (freaking out) I'm not!
Me: (I suppose I should have just said forget it, and let him get a shitty grade, but I was baffled and pissed by his reaction at that point) Do I need to get out of the car and drag you in myself?!
Him: No!
Me: (getting out of the car and going around to his side) Go, now!
Him: (getting out and making a big spectacle)I am!

So, he goes in, gets his paper and it was so totally not a big deal. On the drive home I said: "So you were embarrassed to go back into the school, but crying and having a 2 year old tantrum in the parking lot wasn't embarrassing?". He just ignored me and sniffled all the way home. It just goes to show that you never know what is going to set a kid off. That would have never crossed my mind as something he would be embarrassed by. Lesson learned, I guess.

Here is story from the funeral home. My FIL, since retiring, works part time at a funeral home, picking up bodies and helping with services. Yesterday they were doing a full on Catholic service in the chapel. So, it is much smaller than a typical cathedral ceiling of a church. Anyway they got to the point where they burn the incense over the casket, you know as an "absolution for the dead", and there is so much smoke that people start coughing. Then, the smoke detectors start going off. There were people waving their arms, and running out. That's a nice send off, huh? My FIL said he's never seen it happen before, but he's only worked there for a couple of years, so maybe it happens a lot. ;)

Rob's cousin Stephanie recently moved to Ankeny. She has a daughter that is Emma's age, so the girls got together one afternoon for a play date. Look at how cute they look in their princess dresses. Emma picked the Sleeping beauty one, and Shaylen picked the Belle one. I was like "you guys do really look like Sleeping Beauty and Belle!". ;)

Obama on Colbert

Grizzly bears are the number one threat to America. ;)

4 Minutes

If they only have 4 minutes to save world, then I suggest they stop fucking dancing and start saving. I don't think our first choice for world saving should be JT and Madonna. Oh, and how about those cross cut versions of the people making out...ewww.

This one is for Michele

Emma and her blanket.

Where have I been?!!

I've been around. Just busy and shit. Here is a funny picture from last week. I took Emma to this Chuck E Cheese type indoor playground place and they had this inflatable caterpillar. It totally looks like old, saggy vag lips. Check it out:

Back from spring break

Spring, my ass. ;) We spent last week at my mom's for spring break. It was anything but spring. Emma was sick with a cough and fever for a couple of days and then my mom caught the bug and was coughing like mad, also. We didn't do much of our usual stuff like the St. Patrick's day parade, but my sister and BIL came that weekend, so we just kind of hung out. During the week we took the kids to see Horton Hears a Who and got some Whitey's ice cream......my favorite. Then we had Easter with my brother and Rob because they came over on Friday. Here are some pictures of the kids with the Easter bunny, decorating eggs and us on Easter Sunday.

Who needs a movie?

And I thought "Mary from Goods" was zombie-esque....this chick kicks Mary's dead-pan ass!

Unnecessary Force

I want to Spock you like an animal

Get this.....

Kyle's basketball coach is a minister/reverend/preacher at one of the churches here in town. He is a really nice guy and didn't go around being all Godly or anything during basketball, but you could still tell he was all about Jesus. Anyway, Kyle's last basketball game was this past Saturday. After the game his coach handed out printed invitations to an end of the season basketball pizza party. Kyle's team's name is the Raptors....FYI. I take a look at the invite and am like.....blah, blah, blah, Sat., 12:00, Godfathers pizza.....sounds good.
So today, I see the invite on the counter and I decide I'm going to write the info on the calendar. That's when I noticed what it really said......

The Raptures
Saturday, March 8th
Godfather's Pizza

Holy shit! Coach preacher must write so many sermons about the Rapture that he didn't even realize he wrote the wrong word for the team name. Either that or it's supposed to be subliminal. ;)
So Kyle has been officially invited to the Rapture.....although I don't think the Godfather's party room has enough space for 144,000 people. ;)

Emma and the snowblower

Here is link to the youtube video of Emma with the snowblower today.

Just when I thought I'd seen everything

I was sitting here checking my email when all of a sudden my weather ticker came up across the bottom of the screen. The weather has been so crappy lately that pretty much everyday there is some sort of wind chill advisory or winter storm warning, but today was looking pretty nice, so I was like...what the fuck? It was an "air stagnation" warning. Ummmmmm, I'll take a little stagnant air if it means I'm not knee deep in snow or freezing my tits off. Air stagnation warning.....Christ what's next?!

Valentine's party pics

These are some pics of the kids and their self decorated cupcakes at our Valentine's party last Saturday. I love Emma's little hand, awwwww. ;)

Quote of the Day

"He was retarded, not an idiot. Of all the idiots I've known in my life, none of them were retarded."

From Wednesday

Here are some pictures of Emma at her preschool Valentine's party. I just now got them off my camera to make room for new pictures coming today of our playgroup Valentine's party. Party, party, party!

D.I.S.C.O.

This is how I dance in the privacy of my own home, all random and freaky with periodic leg kicks for no reason. But, I would never allow witnesses. So kudos to Ottawan for throwing caution to the wind and letting it all hang out for the world to see.