SSL pages are complete!

Here are a couple of pics of the completed Sesame Street Live pages that I did last week:

Stand, Sit, Kneel

Lately the family and I have been trying out different churches around town. I was raised Catholic, Rob Lutheran, and the kids were baptized as Lutherans. Over the years though we've kind of gotten soured by organized religion and hadn't been going to church on a regular basis. After we moved I thought it was high time that we go back. So we decided to look for a church that we felt comfortable in, rather than was sect it was. Last week we went to the Lutheran church and when we got there we realized it was a contemporary service. Meaning drum kits and guitar solos...ugh. Although it wasn't my cup of tea, the kids loved it. Kyle was clapping along and Emma was dancing....so it may have been worth it to get them excited about church. This Sunday was the Catholic church. I haven't been to a Catholic mass in YEARS. It was so crazy how everything was exactly the same, every word, gesture, all of it. It was like a time warp for me.....I still knew the Nicene Creed word for word, I still knew to "have the word of God in my thoughts, on my lips, and in my heart" after the "Gospel according to John"....it was as if I hadn't missed a day. Too bad my kids had never seen holy water and the mass was so traditional and stuffy that we probably won't go back. I don't really know what I'm looking for in a church, but I know that jam sessions aren't it, and stuffy Latin laced sermons aren't it either.
It did make me think of this hilarious Stephen Colbert video from Strangers With Candy because we sang this song all the time at church when I was kid. Another thing I knew word for word. ;)
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Our new tree

We bought and planted our new tree in our backyard today. It is an autumn blaze maple. It is supposed to be fast growing and sterile, so it won't drop crap all over the yard. Plus, it's leaves turn a really pretty orange in the fall. Here is a photo:

Don't Hassel the Hoff

Check out these hilarious pictures I came across today of everyone's favorite "Knight Rider". I was laughing my ass off!



The whole moon-turning-to-blood should have been a sign this was a fashion offense of biblical proportions. BTW, the love shrub is in need of a MAJOR pruning, David.


"I enjoy doing naked crunches with my pets."


Intergalactic Cameltoe!


K.I.T.T. is just D.Y.I.N.G. to run them both over, but even when the cameras weren't rolling, that lone extra in the back remained dedicated to his part as "Shifty Mexican in Southwestern Poncho #4."


What would YOU wear to a baseball-themed biker rodeo after a mountain lion ate YOUR sleeves?!


If the words "David Hasselhoff" weren't etched on the top, I'd swear this was a picture of Patrick Swayze. Nobody puts The Hoff in a corner!

"Ah, that's better"

So today Emma decided that she wanted to try a "Certs" mint. She put it in her mouth, sucked on it for a few seconds, then bit into it. She made a nasty face and said "I can't like it in my mouf", then spit it out in her hand. She threw it in the trash and said "ah, that's better".
On the same line.....the other day, I was eating a salad at a restuarant. They served it with onion slices, which I don't like. I took them off and put them on the side of my plate. After Emma was done with her meal, she asked if she could have one of the onion pieces. I said "if you really want to". She ate one, then got about halfway through the second when she put her hands over her mouth and said "owwwwwwwww". What a dork. ;)

Owie Emma

The other day Emma and I were at the Johnston library. She was playing in the kid area and I was reading a magazine. She was spinning around and singing. All of a sudden I heard a thud and saw her laying in front of the window. I picked her up, and hugged her while she cried. I assumed that she'd hit her head on the window because she was dizzy from spinning. She stopped crying and I went to stand her up when I noticed the blood on my hand....then on my shirt...then on Emma's shirt, head, hands, and the library carpet. Holy shit! There was blood all over her hair, dripping. I picked her up and ran to the bathroom. I noticed the librarian and yelled "can you help me?!". So Emma and I sat in the bathroom trying to get the bleeding to stop, while the librarian got other librarians and the first aid kit. It was a mess. Emma has a high pain tolerance so after the initial 30 seconds of crying, she just sat there and let us freak. She must have cut herself on the ledge of the window and not the window itself. It turned out to only be a small cut, but those head wounds bleed forever. I was kind of scared to look. "If I see skull, I'm going to shit"....I said to the librarian. ;) Emma is fine now, and didn't need stitches or anything. I wonder how she'll react the next time we go to the library?
Here is a pic of her poor little blood stained shirt. It's not too bad, but getting the stains out was tricky.

The "talk"

Last night Rob and I had the "sex talk" with Kyle. It was hilarious. It pretty much started with him telling us what he knew about how babies are made. Which was nothing, except that they "grow from food". I've never been one to sugar coat, or make up crap to spare him from reality, so the whole explanation of things took about a minute and a half. The look of disgust and "why would anyone ever want to do that" on his face was priceless. The conversation ended like this:
"So when I grow up I'm going to do that?"
"Honey, everyone does that"
"Why?"
"Because it's kinda fun, and it is what you've got to do if you want to have a baby"
"I don't HAVE to have children"
"No, you don't have to.....but I'd kind of like you to"
"So you can have grandchildren?"
"Yeah"
"Well, when I grow up I probably won't remember that we even talked about this"
"Yeah, maybe not.......or you may need therapy as a result of it".


Parenting.....good stuff. ;)

12 pages

My friend Jodi came over yesterday and we scrapbooked all morning. It was nice to have someone come over and just sit in my own house, where all my stuff is, and get some pages done. She left after lunch, but I kept on going. I got some old, snow pages from last winter done, plus some Reiman Gardens, and 4th of July. It was a pretty productive day. I started to do some Sesame Street Live and realized that I have no Elmo stuff. Got to have Elmo for SSL! I took some pictures of the pages, but those never turn out very well, what with the lighting and flash and such. Here are some of the cuter ones:

7 inches!

Get your minds out of the gutter, you nasty pervs, I was talking about the amount of hair that Emma got cut off yesterday. ;) She looks so cute with a little bob. And it only took me about a minute this morning to brush it out. So worth it! She was really good through the whole thing. Just kind of sat there and watched. She likes it too because she keeps walking around saying "I've got short hair". Here is a before:

And a couple afters:

Big day for Kyle

He started 3rd grade today! He did really well at his new school and said that he made some friends. It was a little chaotic dropping off this morning with all the parents walking their kids in the building, but we managed without being tardy. ;)

Kid-less accomplishments

It's amazing what a person can accomplish while being alone. Last night my inlaws took the kids overnight, for one last sleepover before school starts tomorrow. So Rob and I went out to dinner and to a movie. We saw Talladega Nights and as expected, laughed our asses off. Here is my favorite line from the movie:

Cal Naughton Jr.: "I did a spread. And when I say spread, I mean I spread my buttcheeks for Playgirl. And I did it under the name Mike Honcho."

Then this morning I slept in. It was awesome. I made 6 dozen cookies, did 2 loads of laundry, got my hair cut, went to Target and mowed the lawn.....all before 4:00. Damn, I'm good. ;)

Last day at the pool

Kyle starts school this Thursday, so today is his last day for the swimming pool. Awwwww, kind of sad. Tonight my inlaws are taking the kids overnight, so Rob and I are going to a movie. Then tomorrow, I'll be all alone. Hmmmm, I wonder what I can accomplish with an entire day to myself? I've actually got to make a ton of cookies for our breast cancer fund raiser that is coming up in Sept., so I'm sure that will be part of it. Tonight we've got Kyle's "meet the teacher" night at his new school. He doesn't seem nervous at all, but I am. We'll bring his school supplies and go through a tour, stuff like that. I'll have to familiarize myself with the drop off/pick up routine as to not get lynch mobbed on the first day of school. Moms can be so vicious. ;)
Here are a couple pictures of the kids over the weekend. They were roasting marshmallows and making s'mores:

Iowa State Fair

Yesterday we went to the fair. We usually do go every year, but yesterday was so nice......cooler temps and sunny skies, that we stayed longer than we normally would. My feet were killing me by the end of the day. The kids had a great time. They had foot long corn dogs, rode on rides in the midway, saw the animals, got to meet Clifford the big red dog, you name it. Emma was not happy with being in a stroller for a lot of the time, though. She is just too young and unpredictable to not bring one for her. Here are some highlight photos:

I can't believe I forgot!

I hate my old brain these days! So....back in the Quad cities last weekend I ran into my old chorus teacher from high school. Her name is Ms. Eggelston, which I always thought was appropriate because she reminded me of a chicken. If you need a visual, she makes me think of Ms. Fowl from Jimmy Neutron :


Anyhoo, so she always has this round bump on her foot and back in the day she would always wear old lady sandals with this gnarly toe knob poking out from inbetween the straps. I was hypnotized, infatuated, spellbound by this thing and I would always stare at it. So when I saw her I was like "I've got to check and see if the toe tumor is still there", and sure enough it was. Plain as day....taunting me. ;)

Football

Sometime ago Kyle announced that he wanted to play football. In Ames they started football in 3rd grade, so we'd told him all along that he's have to wait until then. When we moved I did what I thought was adequate and continually checked the Ankeny and Urbandale park and rec websites for fall football information. Well yesterday I found out that neither one have football as part of the park and rec. Instead Ankeny has a junior football league. How someone new to town is supposed to know this is beyond me. So anyway, I checked out the registration info and found out it was last month. Arg! So I called and convinced the wife of the head coach that I needed to register Kyle....and my powers of persuasion are mighty because I'm dropping off a check to her today. Kyle is going to be soooooo excited.

Ahhh, coffee

Today is such a good day for coffee. After days of heat, it's nice to have a cool day, even if it is rainy, just sit and warm up with some caramel truffle.
MmmmmMmmmm.

Poop

While here at my mom's house, we had an issue with the toilet. Kyle took a dump and plugged it up....no problem, it happens to the best of us, right? So my mom got out the plunger and went to work. No luck. Then she got out the other plunger. Still no luck. After she and I plunged for about an hour....in a very stinky bathroom, with poopy water splattering all over.....we gave up. I called my husband....you know, the plumber, that would have probably had it unclogged in a minute or two, and asked what else we could do. He said that the only thing we could do it go to Home Depot and get a toilet auger...unless we wanted to call a plumber on a Saturday night. So there I went, to Home Depot at 8:30. I found what I wanted and carried my lonely purchase to the cashier. She rang it up and said "have a good night". To which I replied "yeah, I'm going to have a great time with what I get to go home and do with a toilet auger". So then she says "well, it's not as bad as what some people would do with one of those". Ummmmmmmmm.....what?! This is not the conversational path I was wanting to take with the Home Depot cashier. So I said "yeah I'm really just going to use it on the toilet".
Holy shit....literally.

Back ass Iowa

Wednesday the kids and I headed over to see my dad where he was staying in Guttenberg Iowa. It's a little hole in the wall town right along the Mississippi River. I took some wacky back roads to get there and it's been quite a long time since I've travelled through rinky dink little towns like that. There was one called New Vienna that had a beautiful old Catholic church. It was massive and hard to believe that a town of a few hundred people could keep a church that big in business. Not to mention that there couldn't have been that many young boys in town to be altar boys.....so you'd think that right there would be enough to close down a Catholic church. ;)
So we only stayed one night in Guttenberg as there isn't that much to do and my dad was staying in a camper, so not very much room either. We did take the kids on the ferry across the river, though. Emma slept through it, but Kyle thought it was fun.
Yesterday we drove more back roads to my mom's house. Clinton may not be great but at least I feel like we're in civilization.

Strangers with Candy

My brother and I went to see it last Friday at the Fluer Cinema. It was an unexpectedly nice theatre. Anyway, the movie was funny, but not as funny as the tv show. Still worth my $7, though. I loved that show and have all of them on DVD. It's a good show to just sit and watch when you feel shitty and want to laugh. Here is a funny quote from the movie:

Jerri Blank: It's like the time you set that boat on fire and watched those Haitians panic. Oh wait, that was me... The point is, you're a racist.

Good times......

Walmart

Last night a couple of friends and I went to the new Walmart that just opened in West Des Moines. As we were walking through, we commented on how new and clean it was and wondered how long it would be before it was all trashy like every other Walmart. After we checked out, the other girls left and I hit the restroom. As I was walking in I noticed that the floor was all muddy. Then when I opened the door to the bathroom stall, there was a turd floating in the toilet. I thought.....oh Walmart, you never let me down. ;)

Party Time!

Holy hell it was hot yesterday! We had Kyle's birthday party and at the beginning of the week I was little worried that we might get rained out, but that was not the case. Instead it was 100 degrees with no sort of breeze. The kids were fine because they got to run through the sprinkler, but the adults were melted. Ugh! Kyle had fun and got lots of cool gifts, so it was worth it. He even got a couple that Daddy and Uncle Chris were playing with. He got his Pirates of the Caribbean "Life" game that he's been wanting so today will be filled with games of that. Which is fine by me because it's a scorcher outside again today and we need some indoor entertainment. Here are some highlight pictures of the day:

Water Beads

Since it rained the other day, I took that opportunity to get some shots of the deck with the water seal. Looks pretty good with the water beading off.

A speeding ticket

On my way to drop videos off at Hollywood, I was pulled over for speeding. $63 for going 40 in a 35 mph zone. Come on! Then hottie cop had the audacity to say "Welcome to Ankeny" as he was handing the ticket to me. Back in my youth I could have sweet talked my way out of a ticket, as a matter of fact I have, many times over, but those days are gone. Now I'm referred to as "ma'am" because apparently I'm 80. And certainly there was no way my double chin and crow's feet were getting me out of anything.

Recent

Let's see.....recently we.....made 200 thank you cards for our "Crop for the Cure" breast cancer fundraiser that we do every year. Also, we sanded, power washed and water sealed our deck. And today we cleaned all the windows, inside and out. Plus yesterday Rob washed the car inside and out. What good little not-so-spring cleaners we are. ;)
Here are some random pictures of the kids rock climbing....just cuz they're cute. ;)

Eureka and a new swim suit

I watched that show on SciFi the other night "Eureka" and it wasn't half bad. Plus the lead character guy wasn't hard on the eyes either. I was feeling pretty good about watching a new show on a cable network as they don't cancel their shows quite as quickly as NBC and those who give a show one airing and then decide to give it the axe.
I also bought myself a new 2 piece swim suit the other day. $7 at Kohl's, baby! It's the tank-top kind, as to not show off my post childbearing belly, but it is kind of low cut in the front, so for a gal that used to be an A cup before children, I was looking kind of busty. ;)

Message for the day

I got this from a friend today and it was quite humorous:

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all
the background checks, interviews, and testing were

done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the
men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions
no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you

will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never
shoot my wife." The agent said,

"Then you're not the right man for this job.
Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He
took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet

for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take
your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the

gun and went into the room. Shots were heard,
one after another. They heard screaming, crashing,
banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat

from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to
beat him to death with the chair."

MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.

Water

Today we...meaning me and the kids because Rob wasn't feeling well, went to Raccoon River Park for 2 birthday parties. My friend Gina's son Sean, and my friend Sharon's daughter Katie were both turning one. They did the typical one year old eating cake type thing, but it was so hot....like 100 degrees today, the frosting was completely melted. What a mess. I was glad I didn't have to clean it up. ;)
After the party the kids and I headed down to the beach. It was torture on our feet because the sand was on fire, even with our sandals on. The kids had a great time, but it was hard for just me to watch them because they both go in different directions and Emma is fearless, so at any minute I'm afraid she'll be drowning in the deep water.....speaking of, I forgot to post about a similar situation the other day at the Clive aquatic center. More on that later. So anyway, we swam for about an hour, got completely covered in sand, came home, showered and have been relaxing in the air conditioning ever since. Here are some pictures from today:




We went to the pool in Clive on Friday and they have a ton of stuff for the kids to do, but I was afraid that Kyle was getting bored in the little kid part so I blew up Emma's inner tube and we all headed over to the big kid pool. We were walking in a row, Kyle in front and Emma behind. I turned around to make sure Emma was following, and she was. The next second, I hear whistles blowing and right after I'd turned my head around, Emma had jumped into the 12 foot water, where they have the diving boards. Luckily she had on the tube, but it was a split second from when I had just checked on her. Even the life guard that had blown the whistle was like "that was quick". Ugh.....she wears me out!
On the topic of water, when we moved into our house, the sprinkler system wasn't working and with the heat, our grass was all brown. So a couple of weeks after we moved in, we fixed it and have been using it. I was kind of scared how much our water bill was going to be because the meter was going crazy whenever the sprinklers were on. But I thought, let's just use it the way we want and see how much it is. That news came in the mail last week....$99.66. Holy shit! Needless to say, there are no more baths every night and the sprinkler system has been downgraded to only 2 nights per week. Our grass is looking pretty green, though. ;)

Does anyone else.....

Have that Fruit of the Loom country song stuck in their heads?

"You Can't Over Love Your Underwear"

If not, get it

http://www.fruitcountryvideo.com/music.html

so I'm not the only one, damn it!

Cleaning and Halloween costumes

I've been a cleaning fiend this week. Monday I cleaned my realtors house, Tuesday was my inlaws house, yesterday was Tina's house.......I didn't get home until after midnight....whew! And today I cleaned mine. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, for a day off. We're going to the aquatic center in Clive and it has a lazy river. I'm ready to be lazy. ;)
Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but I always like to shop for the kid's Halloween costumes out of season. You always get better prices that way. So today the UPS guy came and brought a vampire and a witch costume. Super cute!

It just keeps getting better

Whenever I think the soap opera of our homes previous owner is over, along comes something else. He had never gotten his mail forwarded, so we've been getting tons of stuff for him.....bank overdraws, overdue bill notices, ect. Well today came a bill from the Pathology Labratory in Des Moines. I thought....oh I've gotta see what this is all about.....so I opened it to find a bill for fungus cultures and fungal smears. GROSS!!!!!! Thank God my shower was painstakingly Tilexed the day we moved in. That is so nasty! Then last night we were down at our newly completed neighborhood park and met a couple that live down the block. We got to talking and when when I told them which house we live in, they kind of laughed. So after a little more chatting about that, the girl said that she thought that "Pepper Jack" was still seeing someone in the neighborhood. Ummmm, yeah apparently someone with a fungal infection. ;)

A few more pictures

Some more of the kids on July 4th:

4th of July parade

We went to the Urbandale parade this morning and here are some pictures:



For the most part it was a good parade, and the people in the parade made sure that all the kids got candy, so that was nice. But next time we go, we'll make sure to sit somewhere other than in the residential area. People are so rude. We got asked to leave the front of someone's yard, so we wound up sitting in the street behind 30 other people. I realize that it's inconvenient to have people in your yard, but come on, it's a parade, and we were past the sidewalk. Next time I'll just go sit on their porch and help myself to their cooler.
Bitches.

Fireworks and birthday party planning

The end of this month is Kyle's birthday. He'll be 9. Damn, that seems old......in terms of being my kid and that we've been able to keep him alive that long. ;) We're having a tiki party with his Mt. Tiki Soki water sprinkler. We even got he and Rob matching Hawaiian shirts. How cute! I got his invites done yesterday and now all I have to do is get them sent out. Target even had decorations on sale....so I was all over it.
Tomorrow is July 4th and we are going to hit the parade in Urbandale. We're still not sure where we are going to go for fireworks, but I'm sure between tonight and tomorrow night, if we just get in the car after dark and drive around, we'll find something. I bought some sparklers too, so it'll be cute to get some pictures of the kids with those. Let's hope they don't set each other on fire. ;)